Praise Him in this storm...

Monday was tough. My family all went home, my husband was at work all day, and left to my own devices, I grieved the loss like I didn't know I could. It was strange, in the quiet, lonely time I had Monday, the heaviness I felt over JC's death. I wasn't his best friend, and I haven't seen him since probably graduation last year. But now that he's gone, there's a perpetual emptiness, like I will never see him, not at homecomings, at graduations, at alumni gatherings, at chance meetings.

So Tuesday, forced back into my routine, my grief was like a ghost...haunting me and popping up in the most random places...in a picture, a commercial, a song...then Casting Crowns came on the radio, this particular song:

I was sure by now

God You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

And stepped in and saved the day

Once again, I say Amen, and it is still raining

As the thunder rollsI barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

As Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I'll praise you in this storm

And I will lift my hands

You are who You are

No matter where I am

And every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry

You raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

I lift my eyes into the hills

Where does my help come from

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of heaven and earth

It's almost a guilty feeling I have when I suddenly feel at loss, my heart literally squeezing with hurt. Silly, I know...but...every tear I've cried...He holds in His hand...

Oh, JC, I love you and I wish I had the chance to tell you that again. See you soon...