Just some stuff.

I just finished reading Lauren Weisberger's The Devil Wears Prada and once again, I've been bitten by the writing bug. I swear, it seems every time I read a mediocre novel (I said it...mediocre), I get the attitude of, "I could have written that so much better...if I had only come up with the plot." So I guess my one-uppance is hopelessly paralleled with the fact that my writing capabilities are not by any means coupled with the gift of coming up with plots. So there you have it. I'll just blog.

I just got an email from Karen Corwin-soon-to-be-Isbell, and I don't actually know if she reads my blog. But I do read hers, and I loved hearing about how she and Bryan were led to the perfect house. It made me think of Walden and my own search for home-ownership. We renewed our apartment lease for just six months, since March (the end of our one-year lease) is sneaking up on us and we have next to nothing saved compared to what it would take to put a down payment on a house. So next time around, September will not take us by surprise. We are aggressively saving for a house. So far, our resolution has been whittled down to saving $300 this past month. What?! At this rate, we should be able to find a nice house in, oh, I don't know, twenty years. How about that!! Maybe we can buy our first house, then retire within the same decade!! Okay, I'm being facetious (I had to look that word up for the correct spelling). But seriously. This line of thought is going somewhere, I promise, not just down Bite-Me Lane.

Am I a believer in the One True Lord and His blameless Son Jesus Christ Who died on the cross for our sins and rose again on the third day to forever conquer the throes of death and usher all those who call unto Him into everlasting life in the Kingdom of Heaven?

Yes.

But, man, have I been wayyyy off-track the last couple years. I guess sleeping with your boyfriend and consequently getting knocked up can do that for a girl. But with all inappropriate kidding and snide remarks aside, what have I been doing all this time? Where have I put the Lord in all this time? Did I happen to box Him up too, along with the rest of my pre-pregnancy, pre-marriage life, and store Him someplace safe and forgettable?

I came across some old journals this past weekend back home in Montgomery. I went to visit my parents while Walden went to Mississippi for a business trip, and it was like reading about a complete stranger's life. What happened to that girl? Everything about her seemed foreign to me. I visited with my old covenant group leader, who has been a pretty consistent part of my life since I graduated high school. Our conversation was light, airy, full of fluff. How did I forget how to talk to Susan Fisher, of all people? I even went to Frazer, which was, in a word, creepy. There's just something about going somewhere so familiar, just to find not a single familiar face, not even a single familiar room, much less an inkling that this was the same place was where I grew up, literally. I guess this past weekend, with longtime friends, old places, and old memories, was the stirring, if you will.

Reading other people's blogs about leaning on the Lord to find a house, a car, a job now seems incoherent to me. I never even thought twice about committing our finances and dream of finding a house to God, the One who cares infinitely and achingly about each glaringly insignificant detail of my life.

It is a smack in the face.

It's the realization that I am not the mother, the wife, the woman God has been desperately wanting me to be, desperately wanting to divine me to be. Not even remotely close. Not even recognizably close. Not even a fraction of a nanogram kinda close. Get it? Every area in my life calls, by design, for His control, for His perfect Hand to be on. And yet. hereiam.

Where did that girl go? When did she go into hiding? Why do I now feel uncomfortable when people ask me about church, or if I'd like to help lead worship, or join a Bible study, or pray for them? Why don't I feel the prick of offense when I watch television and there is a profound misconception of God and His character? Have I really become that kind of woman?

Will this be another one of those times, the demands of the day, of a toddler, covering all tugs of the Holy Spirit, and my subconcious willing to just let it go? Will I let this day slip by?

Boy...

Is my life great or what? And since it is tough to communicate meaning behind words on a computer screen, I'll go ahead and say: I am not being sarcastic in the least bit.

My Christmas holiday was, in a word, perfect. I'll have to put pictures up as soon as I can. Walden and I are in the process of switching computers, which is a pain in the arse considering it seems I've taken up a second job as Max's personal photo journalist. So, soon, we will have our newer, faster, sleeker, smaller laptop set up, as opposed to RoboComp, the chunkier, more useless cousin of RoboCop. (Remember that guy?)

Anyway, so back to perfection. Walden, Max and I went down to Oxford, AL, where my older sister Jen and her boyfriend live. Their house is gorge. Absolutely gorgeous. Jen has a real knack for interior decorating, and it shows in every inch of their house. So spending Christmas in a beautiful home with beautiful people was just about the star on top of my tree. Walden's family in Gadsden is just a stone's throw from where Jen lives, so we were able to see both the Woodhouses and the Buttrams in one weekend. So great. Max has singlehandedly managed to turn our humble apartment into Elmo's World. Well, let me rephrase that. Our parents by way of Max has managed the Elmo transformation, via a ginormous stuffed Elmo doll, Pee-Pee Elmo ("Whoops! Elmo didn't go in the potty! Sorry!"), and enough DVDs and books with Elmo's furry face plastered on the cover to open our own McKays. We also have a huge (by huge I mean nearly 5 feet tall) basketball goal that Walden's brother got Max for Christmas. Instead of taking down the Christmas tree and using the space for what it was used for before the holidays (storing Max's toys and our DVD collection), we took down the tree and put up a basketball goal in its place. Heck yes. Truth be told, Walden and I are getting our fair share of hoops in, too.

I got a kick-a kitchen revamp for Christmas. Okay, not totally. What I mean is, I got a gorgeous stainless steel breadmaker (breadmaker, people!!) from my parents (I've already used it half a dozen times!), and an awesome, and I mean awesome, stainless steel coffeemaker from Walden. Beeyootiful. And I'm enjoying them both at least daily.

Then New Year's weekend, all our families (and I mean all) came up for Walden's surprise birthday party. And he was thoroughly surprised. He had no earthly idea that I had anything planned for his birthday. But the party was a complete hit. We all ate, drank, played games, and lost money to Paul Reed when we played poker. Super fun. And of course everyone (including Max!) stayed up until midnight to ring in the new year!! I made a profit of $7 the entire weekend from poker. World Series Poker, here I come!!

So that was my holiday. I can't believe it's already over two weeks into 2006 and I'm just now updating. So yeah. Happy New Year!